Who’s Afraid of The Big Bad Grasshopper?

I am. I have a strange phobia. I am deathly afraid of grasshoppers and locusts. Most people react with a chuckle when they discover my fear. Usually it’s discovered when I am in a garden or at an outdoor event and have an unfortunate encounter with one of these jumpy insects. After going into a frenzied spaz and nearly pissing all over myself when one jumps on me, with a blush, I have to explain why I am so put out by these adorable little creatures.

My page 1 submission for HOWiezine 13 - Phobia

So why be afraid? Initially, I wasn’t. When I was five-years old, I used to play in the fields surrounding my house. The town I grew up in was just starting to grow and we lived on the outskirts near a rural farming community. Our subdivision was being built and our house was one of the first on the street. We were literally surrounded by fields of wheat, corn, alphalpha, beans, you name it, if it could be grown it was there. Of course, grasshoppers love most of these crops and they are almost impossible to control.

That summer it was extremely dry. On a warm July morning, a friend and I were in a small alphalpha field, doing of all things, catching grasshoppers, and putting them into a baby food jar. What we didn’t realize was the farmer was about to set fire to the surrounding wheat fields due to an epidemic infestation of Two-Stripped and Differential grasshoppers. These varieties of grasshopper grow to a pretty good size. Not quite as large as the Eastern Lubber grasshopper, but pretty close.

My page 2 submission for HOWiezine 13 - Phobia

When the fields around us were ablaze, the grasshoppers quickly swarmed and converged onto the field where my friend and I were playing. Needless to say, we were covered from head-to-toe with the crawling, hopping insects. I can tell your skin is crawling right now. Mine is too. Well, I ran out of that field like a rabbit with it’s tail on fire. By the time I got home, which was about half-a-block away, most of the beastly insects had made a quick get away. I still had a few in my clothes and my mother rapidly removed any that remained. From that day on, I have been in a state of fear whenever I see a grasshopper or locust.

While researching this phobia and searching for ways to confront this fear, I discovered that Salvador Dali was also afraid of grasshoppers. Dali had an irrational fear of grasshoppers, stemming from his childhood torment by other children, who often threw grasshoppers and other insects at him. When they appear in Dali’s work, grasshoppers are used as a symbol of destruction, waste and fear. Dali represents them with a fearful nature, as large and intimidating in comparison to the other figures, and they are often shown in the act of eating the main subject of the work.

For me, the grasshopper is a nuisance that I avoid at all cost. A few years ago, my wife decided to put my fear to the test at our family get-together. She discovered a good-sized grasshopper at the edge of a garden and thought it would be funny to put in on her arm and then show it to me. Now I’m 6’1” and weigh about 220 lbs. I ran into the house like a little girl and locked the door behind me. I felt extremely embarrassed and scolded my wife through the door for being so insensitive. She just couldn’t understand my fear. Eventually, I told my story of woe to all that witnessed my fear. Most seemed to be understanding of the situation.

I have tried on numerous occasions to confront this fear, but I can’t get past it. For me, the grasshopper will always have the upper hand.

So the next time you see a grasshopper, think of me. I will be headed the opposite direction at warp factor five!

Labels: graphic design, HOWiezine, Personal

What is a least handy man?

My good friend and professional colleague, Bruce, has finally stepped up to the online plate and started his own blog.

The Least Handy Man Blog as described by Bruce himself, is a blog with writings on remodeling his house, with a self-effacing humorous take on his lack of handyman skills. His blog tag line states, "These are the chronicles of the least handy man in America, as I learn how to build and fix things. I also reserve the right to post on anything else, most notably graphic design and advertising, which is what I do for a living." To get a more detailed description of Bruce's purpose, CLICK HERE

Bruce also includes some of his novice handyman adventures outside of the home as well. His story on repairing a truck tailgate is informative, yet humorous, and he includes a small tid bit about the "indispensable tool" and a short background covering trucks.

Check it out and I hope you enjoy it.

Labels: Blogger, Colleagues, Personal

I have recently been concerned about marketing my freelance business and leaving a good impression on the potential client or collaborator. I have done simple thank you cards and leave behinds in the past, but I have always felt that they weren't something that would be held onto for very long and I would soon become a distant memory. My wife thinks I over analyze these things to the nth degree and have a somewhat pessimistic streak when it comes to my abilities as a graphic designer. I tend to agree with her, but I really do want to leave an impression with a client that will stick outside of the normal compliments on my work samples.

While brainstorming with my wife one evening on the way home from work, we both toyed around with the word "thanks" for a thank you package I could give to potential business partners. My wife is an idea mill and I am amazed at the things she can churn out with spontaneity. Then she said to me using a rough and fake New England accent, "Tanks!" "Tank You!" We laughed and I quickly said that it was funny and I would probably go in another direction. But after some thought, I realized she was brilliant and I would take that idea to the next level.


I did some research and discovered a toy distributer that sold tiny wind-up toy tanks made from tin. I was thrilled to find a miniature sample of the retro tin toys that I love so much. The ideas started churning in my head. Below are the results of my wifes idea with my refinement of the concept.


Here we see dog tag like hang tags that hang from foot locker. On one dog tag, the word "TANK" is what stands out. I edited it with a black pen by adding an "h" and an "s" so it reads "ThANKs" The other dog tag has my identity and tag line printed on it. I also painted the little wooden foot lockers to look like the typical government issue using OD Green and flat black stenciled letters and logo.



Here you can see the dog tags and the card inserted into the foot locker. The insert card takes the concept a little further. The "TANK YOU" stands out.


Once the packing material and insert card are removed, a tiny tin wind-up tank is discovered to galvanize the message. The insert card is blank on the inside so I can hand write a personalized message. The reverse side of the card has all of my contact info printed on it. A mini business card of sorts.


Those who have received this fun "Tank You" have given me some very positive feedback. I'm sure it will stick around a lot longer than a thank you card and hopefully leave a solid impression with a potential client or collaborator.

"Tanks," for checking out this fun concept.

Labels: graphic design, self promotion